What having Covid has taught me, it might not be what you expect.Mar 10, 2021
PART 2 - LONG COVID -adding to my blog below.
So I guess the story continues, everything is a journey of sorts and after the period of three months post Covid and two vaccinations I found myself struggling with fatigue and a few other things that are ticking the boxes for Long Covid. On a personal level I want to ignore the facts and just push on but I am aware of some issue with my gut and I have a random thought about seeing a kinesiologist. I really don't want to see a GP about these issues as I really don't want to be put on any sort of medication but can see these issues are beginning to impact on my choices and daily life.
There is a lot of information out there on Long Covid and know that I am going need more than breathing exercises.
What are my issues?
Underlaying anxiety, dizziness, chronic fatigue, insomnia.
The great thing about seeing a therapist of any sort is that you can talk about yourself and it might all sound random but Saadia (my kinesiologist) says "its all very normal to her".
There is some joining the dots around historic underlaying possible causes but the present is what it is and that is what I want to address. Whatever the source might be.
I have always responded well to therapy and I think the reason for this is that once I have decided to take action to get better I am also acknowledging that there is a problem and that has to be a good start. Getting to a place of a acceptance and making peace with the past. What ever the reasons might be, I think that this is part of healing. There is a letting go and peacefulness when you come to a place of asking for help.
How many of us resist this part.
So here I am now, several weeks into being treated with a lot of herbs and vitamin supplements that are rebalancing my gut and my adrenals. Being mindful of my energy I am taking down time seriously and resisting the temptation to do, rather leaning into being.
So far so good. My (historical) anxiety has lifted. Several years ago I used hypo-therapy to overcome panic attacks that I was having whilst I was driving. The therapist said that one day the feeling will just go, like having had a cold, one day it will just be a memory. Well that didn't happen. I stopped panicking but the anxiety remained until now post treatment with the Saddia, the stress has evaporated. But also this new underlaying state of anxiety post Covid has gone. I sleep soundly for the first time I think since we went into lock downs with insomnia coming with Covid.
What I can see is that anxiety and stress is exhausting, and that impacts on everything. Candida in my gut is a reaction to this stress. It really does feel like a chicken and egg situation, what comes first. But I do know that there are several pillars of good health and well being ranging from sleep, diet, exercise, balancing mental and emotional well being and so forth. When one of these pillars is under strain our whole sense of wellness will be out of sync.
Thats kind of simply put.
The website of my Kinesiologist is under re construction but I am happy to give you her number if you contact me.
I will be updating this blog post.
The thing about recovering from an illness is trying to remember how sick you were. Even for me just a few days into recovering from Covid I am asking myself was I really that poorly? Deep in exhaustion with symptoms of breathlessness, all I could do was lay on the sofa. After a year of not doing very much, doing even less could only be achieved through illness.
I know I am fortunate, I have come out of the other side. No underlaying health issues and some skill in breath work.
Also I can only speak for my own experience in this and maybe my insights and ways of coping are not conventional, more a study of mindfulness than anything else.
But everything is a journey of sorts, isn't it?
It took a few days join the dots together before I thought that I might have covid. Having to stop and rest whilst out for a walk, the next day being too tired to go and by day three not able to get off the sofa. Day four struggling for my breath when speaking. Everyone tells me to get a test.
The experience of breathlessness was all too familiar. It was my poor breathing that got me into practicing yoga over 30 years ago. I was attending a lecture on breath and what was a very new word to me paranyama. Back in those days this was very new age and was under the umbrella of alternative heath.
Om Devan, was the teacher taking this lecture. I joined his classes in London. He was also the person to encourage me to teach. To this day I always stress the practice is about breath and meditation. Both underpin my own practice for living well.
My friend Dansoa was with me at this lecture, we studied fashion together and moved to London in the 80's working in the clothing industry. Like me she also felt the need for something other and settled her other learning in diet and nutrition. We share this life long interest in health and wellbeing with Henna who is a massage and EFT therapist who like us worked in the fashion industry. Lets just say we have a deep understanding about stress. We now collaborate together, sharing our knowledge and supporting each other. Read my Ibiza blog to see how we work together.
Dansoa gave me a vitamin supplement plan. Advised me on a dosages, time scales, what to expect and how this works.
I am not going to advise or tell you what I did because everyone is different. There is a lot of great information out there to research and I would always recommend getting professional advice before taking anything.
I do believe though that taking positive action for your own health and well being is empowering and it is that action which often makes you feel better and go on to make better choices.
We all have to start somewhere. In writing this I can see that I have an advantage in to help my recovery but I remember starting out on this journey and whole heartedly recommend this path.
There are lessons to be learnt everywhere. Being able to receive kindness and support. I am an independent spirit. Having to ask friends for support and to bring me food was a big deal for me. Feeling some what vulernable talking from behind the door and humbled by the kindness of others.
In my enforced isolation and quietness, time takes on new meaning. I talk a lot about time with my students. How we measure it and value it. Covid has given some of us a lot more of it than we have ever had before. Time has a different quality to when when you really can't do much with it. So as I leaned in to it, I felt that time had me rather than the other way around. I have the luxury of being able to go with the flow. This hasn't always been the case. I have memories of being very poorly in the past and having to manage two kids and running a home. No time for illness really and I feel for everyone who is in that place now. We all need help and there are times when we need more.
All of this leads to my practice and understanding of mindfulness. Gratitude, acceptance, patience, forgiveness.
I am very grateful for where and how I live. None of this just happens. We don't just find ourselves in a happier or better place. We do have put some effort into the game of life. My feelings of gratitude run through a long list of previous events and choices that at the time didn't always feel easy. I have spent a lot of my time learning to and practicing breathing better. Making time to learn what works for me be that in my diet or in the way I choose to live. Mentally, materially and physically.
I have covid, and I have to act accordingly. Listen to my body and go with the flow. Fighting this will not making me better. Knowing myself in this moment will.
Surrender to time, this will pass.
Anger and frustration around ideas of how I feel I came to have covid. It is difficult not to judge others or ourselves. But I feel that anger is a very misunderstood emotion. I am not talking about the unhealthy side of anger. But because it is such a culturally negative emotion we fear it and see it as a bad thing. Getting to the root of our anger can help us to change.
There is no right or wrong and no judgement. I can see that I was caught in a problem of my own creation and therefor I have the power to over come this.
Another lesson around forgiveness is that we don't forgive and forget. Rather than by letting go we move on.
It is both liberating and exciting.
Therefore my time on the couch has been reflective and healing.
A lot can happen were do very little.
I am looking forward to better times.
Art work is by by Cuban friend Agustin H Carlos
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